Sleepy Time, Travel, Food, Exercise
I thought retirement would look just like days filled with all the things I wished I was doing while I was working, every day, in an office. I thought I’d be posting daily YouTube videos, working on my writing projects, exercising like a maniac and eating impeccably.
Habits are Strong Forces
I do exercise. Like I did before I retired. Five days a week, about 20-30 of cardio, 10 minutes of weights, 10-20 of yoga or stretching. More time does not make me exercise more, it just gives me more hours in the day in which to procrastinate getting my Nikes on. The moral of the story: don’t use work or a busy schedule as an excuse not to workout. What you do now is what you’ll be inclined to (barely) do later. We don’t get more energy with the passing of time.
Sleep
Sleep is better. The first couple months I’d dream about being back at work, or at a new job where they tell me the hours are 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. I respond by saying, “I came in at 8:30 and the place was empty until 9 a.m.” That is something I would do, tell them without telling them they’re out of their minds instead of just nodding my head in agreement. Fatal flaw.
However, quickly my sleep has become deep and restful. The curious thing is that if I get a couple of great nights of sleep, it’s hard to fall asleep the following night. Sleep secret: Pitch black is the way to go. New studies have found that, as important as morning and sunset light in the eyeballs is, pitch black is critical at night. So dark you can’t see your hand in front of your face. I do a sleep tracker (SleepScore app on iPhone). Getting blackout curtains 10 months ago was a game changer for the quality of my deep sleep. My REM (dream) sleep has always been off the charts. In fact, too much REM and not enough deep sleep contributed to waking up exhausted . . . I had been busy and engaged all night within my vivid dreams, but my body felt like it had been hit by a mac truck–heavy and unrested due to no body-rejuvenating deep sleep.
Overall, I have better sleep because there is element of no work dread to fall asleep to.
Travel
It’s only been a couple of months and I’ve already taken 25 days of vacation. 7-day New Years’ cruise with my family to Mexico, half of February in Cartagena, Colombia with other family; I’ll been in St. George with friends in two weeks, returning in time to leave for NYC to spend time with the parents; and a month home before I go to Chicago to see my Greek girlfriend’s daughter graduate from Roycemore private school.
This alone, the time, has made retiring early worth it. Anytime I wanted to see friends or family (very few friends live in California, and no family), I had to make it a quick trip, tacking a couple days on each end of a weekend. Covid was a blessing because I could plant for a week in Chicago, for example, and work remotely at my girlfriend’s house while she went into the office. Every evening we’d go out or cook and hang out like it was college again.
Going back to the office 5 days a week was the real impetus for plotting my early retirement. I had my pension papers filled out and notarized, ready to mail in at the 120-day max in advance mark. It’s small but regular, and will last my entire life. The rest will come from retirement, brokerage accounts, savings and potentially, rental property.
Food
Because inflation seems to have hit eating out especially hard, I’ve been eating at home for months. I don’t like how fast food costs as much as Chipotle, and Chipotle costs as much as a restaurant, and the restaurants think they’re tricking us with their new, stupidly small portion sizes.
My thing is I want to make nutritious meals at home. I just made my second batch of sour dough bread, the first time by myself. It’s a little heavy and dense, and didn’t brown pretty, but it tastes good. I slice it and freeze it almost immediately and only take out a slice or two at time when I want to eat it.
I also just planted 6 tomato seeds. It’s in the potting soil I bought for my new potted palm trees, but it’s what I had on hand. We’ll see if they grow. Last time I planted those seeds, I got a little shop of horrors cannibal plant that threatened all my guests at the gate. But the tomatoes were abundant and delicious and I took plenty to work to share.
Emotional State
Lacking structure is a challenge. I feel guilty for not being more productive with my days. My therapist says that guilt that comes when you haven’t harmed anyone or done something morally wrong, is called “neurotic guilt.” She said retiring is going to take time to completely unwind from years and decades of producing, which is partially learned in the workforce and for me, partially inherent to my wiring.
So I’ve had to give myself permission.
“I can take as long as I want with my morning routine?” I asked her.
“Your morning routine can take until 10:00 at night, if you want.”
She told me that the time will come when I am back to myself, centered, and I will know what to do next.
In other words, I did not retire and run out a finish the first draft of my novel or record three YouTube videos per week. I haven’t filmed a single video since retirement. (The one that came out in January was pre-recorded.) Instead, I am finding my footing, and still trying to figure this whole thing out. I have a lot of life left and I want to use it in a way that serves others and utilizes my talents. What I don’t want to do, is accidentally run back to a legal job because the pay is tempting, and give more of my soul to a fluorescent-lit office and a system that will take all you have only to step over your dead body before it’s cold in the ground to replace you. I’ve paid my dues, I fought the fight, and I reject the battle. This girl wants to be a girl again.
